Loving You Both
by CN Winters
Summary: Ever the problem-solver, Olivia looks for a way for Natalia to balance her faith in God and their love for each other.


Chapter One

Father Ray turned the corner to see Natalia by the prayer candles.

"Taking me up on my offer to talk?" he asked as he walked over.

"Actually, Father, I've decided…" Natalia stopped and nervously licked her lips. She took a deep breath and then finished by saying, "I'm leaving the church."

Father Ray appeared obviously surprised. "Leaving?" was all he could say The only thing that Natalia could do was nod. When she didn't continue, he asked, "Did something happen that I'm not aware of?"

Natalia grinned slightly as she thought of her life, and her love, with Olivia.

"In a way," she said. "I'm, uh…I'm in love with Olivia Spencer."

Father Ray took a moment to comprehend what he just heard. "Your roommate?"

Natalia nodded. "I've loved her for sometime, actually, and that's why I didn't marry Frank. I couldn't hurt him by trying to live a lie – not when it was Olivia I wanted."

Natalia anxiously bit her lip and played with her fingernails as she waited for his response.

Father Ray could only manage a disapproving, "I see" comment.

"I-I know what this means," Natalia said. "I-I really don't see a place for me here anymore."

"Well," Father Ray began, "I'm assuming you're not here to repent?" he asked just to clarify.

Natalia shook her head. "It took me this long to realize how I feel about her, so I'm not changing that now. Besides, I already tried to put my feelings aside, and it didn't work. She makes me happy...complete," she said firmly.

"It's difficult when I see someone as good-hearted as you become blinded by sin and forsake the Lord."

Natalia didn't say anything for a moment.

"I'm not here to debate anything," she told him, "but I think you're wrong, Father Ray. I haven't forsaken the Lord, and I don't think He's forsaken me. If anything, my church is the one leaving me behind."

Father Ray shrugged. "All I can do is say a prayer for you, Natalia. I hope that you understand the error of your ways and come back into our fold someday. When you realize your mistake, you are welcome here."

"I don't see that happening," Natalia answered and extended her hand to him. "But I wish you well, Father."

Father Ray took her offered hand, giving it a gentle shake. "Take care," he told her.

Natalia nodded and moved toward the door as Father Ray watched her leave.

Outside Olivia was leaning against the passenger door of the car, looking at her phone when she heard the church door open. She slipped the phone into her pocket and stood at attention as Natalia made her way down the steps.

Natalia appeared to be on the verge of tears as the two women came within a few feet of one another.

"I'm sorry," Olivia began as she reached up and took her lover by the upper arms. "I know you said this isn't my fault but -."

"But nothing," Natalia replied, cutting her short. "I don't want to hear you talk that way. I don't have to sit in a church to love God. He's everywhere, not just one building. So please, really…this isn't about you at all."

Olivia took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "Okay, to the Beacon then? We've got a busy day."

Natalia nodded, and Olivia opened the door for her, but before the ebony haired woman could slip inside, Olivia took her by the wrist, stopping her. She used her free hand to pull Natalia closer until her lips were only inches from her ear.

"What you did today was courageous…and I positively adore you."

Natalia wore a small smile that grew larger in size when Olivia kissed her gently between her cheek and her earlobe.

"I adore you, too," Natalia replied. "But if you don't hurry, we'll be late."

"Well then, Milady..." Olivia said, opening the car door and helping Natalia inside, "…time to ride."

Olivia shut the door and then turned to walk to the driver side when she saw Father Ray standing at the top of the steps. Both of them stopped in their tracks, and neither said a word to one another. However, their stares spoke volumes – Ray punishing Olivia with a hard glare while Olivia chastised him for his callousness. Father Ray looked away first, and Olivia looked smug for a moment, as if she had achieved a small victory. Only then did she make her departure.

Chapter Two

"This was wonderful, but what's the occasion?" Natalia complimented Olivia as she began to clear the settings at the kitchen table that had the remnants of their breakfast meal.

"Leave it," Olivia told her.

"You cooked. Emma and I can clean," Natalia replied.

"I said leave it, please," Olivia replied as she looked at her watch. "We're going to be late."

"Late? Late for what? It's Sunday," Natalia said.

"Are we going to the zoo?" Emma asked excitedly.

"Maybe later, Baby," Olivia replied, "but for now I need you to go upstairs and put on something nice, but not too fancy – maybe that navy skirt and white sweater?"

"Okay," Emma chirped as she took off toward the stairs.

"What are we doing?" Natalia asked.

Olivia smiled. "It's a surprise."

XXXX

Emma sat in the backseat looking out the window. Olivia drove as Natalia sat in the passenger seat.

"Yes, I'm going to ask again for the tenth time in thirty minutes…" Natalia said. "Where are we going?"

Olivia smiled and pulled off to the side of the road, coming to a stop. "There," she pointed.

Natalia looked over and saw a church with a small billboard that read 'Trinity Episcopal Church' and turned to Olivia.

"What are we doing here?" Natalia asked.

"We're going to polish our nails and get our hair done," Olivia said seriously and then smiled. "What do you think, Silly? It's Sunday. You're going to church. Come on," she told them.

Natalia looked back at Emma and asked, "Did you know about this?"

Emma just shook her head as the back door opened.

"Come on, Em," Olivia said from outside, motioning her daughter to come along.

Natalia opened her door and climbed out at the same time.

"Why aren't we going to Father Ray's church?" Emma asked innocently.

"Because Father Ray is a doo-doo head who's still living in the second century," Olivia answered.

"Olivia!" Natalia tried to reprimand her lover, but she giggled slightly along with Emma, who found the description funny. "It's not nice to call people names," Natalia continued and then turned to Emma.

"But it's true," Olivia muttered under her breath to no one in particular.

Natalia tried not to roll her eyes at Olivia and gave Emma her full attention. "Father Ray feels I shouldn't go to his church anymore, and I agree with him."

"Why?" Emma asked. "What happened?"

"You know how I love your mom, right? It's that butterfly in the tummy kinda love?" Natalia asked. Emma just nodded. "Well," she explained, "Father Ray…he thinks that I should pick a guy to feel that way about, but I don't want to. I love being with your mom more than any grown-up in the whole wide world. So he doesn't think I should go to his church."

"So it's kinda like when I couldn't play with Derek anymore?" Emma asked.

Olivia's jaw tightened, and she turned away.

"In a way," Natalia said.

"But this place is different," Olivia spoke up as she pointed to the church behind them. "They like families with two moms or two dads, just the same as ones with a mom and a dad…or just a mom or just a dad."

"Maybe I could make some new friends?" Emma asked hopefully.

"Maybe," Olivia answered, "but we won't know until we get there, so come on."

Emma walked ahead in anticipation as Olivia and Natalia followed.

"I can't believe you did this for me," Natalia said.

"I can't believe you're shocked that I did," Olivia retorted.

"You know what I mean," Natalia said. "This had to have taken a lot of work."

Olivia took Natalia's hand as they walked along.

"I know you love me, and I know your faith is important," Olivia told her. "I didn't want to keep you from God – and yes, I did hear you the other day – you can pray anywhere. But it's not the same. I think you like having a building you can walk into each week and being with a group of people that offers a sense of community. I know this isn't Catholicism, but…it's the same God – just a different group of worshipers who, like you, believe that God is love and that love is never wrong…even ours."

Natalia bit her lip for a moment. "You're gonna make me cry."

"Nah," Olivia said, putting her hand around Natalia's waist as they walked along. "No tears – today's a happy day."

"You've found a way, Olivia Spencer," Natalia complimented.

"What exactly did I find?" she asked.

"A way that I could spend my life loving you both – you and God. Thank you."

Olivia beamed at Natalia as they began to climb the stairs to see Emma already talking with a man in a collar by the door.

"Reverend Prescott, I presume?" Olivia asked.

"You must be Olivia," he said as he extended his hand, and she shook it.

"This is my partner, Natalia, and I see you've met our daughter Emma."

Natalia's eyes moved from the reverend to Olivia upon hearing the words 'our daughter.' She slowly smiled as she faced the reverend again.

"You have a lovely family," he complimented them both. "We're happy you could join us, feel free to sit anywhere you like, and if you have time after the service, I'd like to speak with you both if you don't mind."

"No, that'll be fine. But I did promise Emma a zoo trip today, so we can't stay too long."

"It won't be long at all – just a bit of a 'sales pitch' to learn more about us," he teased.

Olivia nodded in agreement and placed her hand on Natalia's back while her other hand took Emma's. They moved down a pew, finding a seat.

Natalia leaned over and whispered to Olivia, "You might not have noticed, but you told the reverend Emma was our daughter."

"Well, I know the kid can be crazy sometimes – thanks to her father's genes – but I didn't think you'd mind claiming…parent-ship."

Natalia giggled slightly at Olivia's concocted word.

"I'm not complaining," she clarified. "In fact…I liked how it felt when you said it…and you know I'd give my life to protect her, to protect you both."

"Yes, and that's why I said 'our' daughter. The kid already staked claim on you by calling you her other mom, so really – like it or not – you're stuck with us."

Natalia reached over and took Olivia's hand in hers, giving it a light squeeze.

The reverend began his sermon by clearing his throat, making everyone turn his or her attention to him.

" 'I was glad when they said unto me, "We will go into the house of the Lord".' Psalm 122:1," he began.

Olivia looked over to see Natalia smiling brightly and had to smile just as large in response before turning her attention back to the reverend.

Chapter Three

As the congregation began to leave the church, the reverend motioned the trio toward him. Walking along the wall to avoid the people leaving, Olivia, Natalia and Emma made their way to the front of the church where Rev. Prescott was standing with two men and a boy around Emma's age.

Natalia immediately took the reverend's hand upon arrival, giving it a firm shake.

"That was a wonderful service today," she complimented him. "Thank you. I…I never thought I'd be in a church again."

"Neither did Bob or Steve here," the reverend motioned to the two men beside him.

"Hi there, I'm Bob," a dark haired man said.

"Steve," his partner said as he slipped his arm around his waist. He then turned to the boy to his right. "This is Jake, our son."

"My girls," Olivia began as she put on hand on Emma's shoulder, saying her name. She then pulled Natalia closer and said her name. "I'm Olivia," she finished.

"Hey Jake," Steve said, "why don't we take Emma out to the playground and let her moms talk to Rev. Prescott and Daddy Bob?" He looked up at Olivia. "There're picnic tables right by the swing-set out there. Would that be okay with you ladies?"

"Sure," Olivia said. "Let's go."

Moments later, the reverend took a drink from his paper cup that looked like the ones that Bob, Natalia and Olivia also had as they sat at the picnic table. A few yards away, Steve was moving back and forth from Emma to Jake as he pushed them on the large swing, all three of them laughing.

"You'll have classes you need to take if you want to stay a member," the reverend told the couple, "but it will answer many of your questions."

"Can you answer one right now?" Natalia asked.

"Certainly," Rev. Prescott answered.

Natalia looked over at Olivia for a moment. "I've been told my whole life that homosexuality is wrong. It's why I'm no longer a member of the Catholic Church, and I'm not sure how…how all this works."

Bob and Rev. Prescott looked at each other briefly and smiled.

"Well," Bob began, "there are some churches, even those who are Episcopalian, that believe homosexual activities are always sinful. Then there are those like Rev. Prescott's church that believe as long as it's under certain conditions it's the ultimate expression of love."

"Like what conditions…?" Olivia prompted.

Rev. Prescott replied, "If it's safe, non-coercive, consensual and between two adults in a committed relationship…Now I'm assuming that the two of you are monogamous?"

"I am," Olivia answered, "and I'm sure Natalia is, too."

"Absolutely," she agreed, "but just to make sure I got this straight…"

"No pun intended," Bob muttered, making Olivia grin.

"...you're telling me that sleeping with Olivia is not a sin and that it's okay."

"It's better than okay," Bob answered. "As long as you genuinely love her, she loves you and you agree to forsake all others, then yes. Sex is a great expression of love and commitment, not just a sexual release."

"This just…" Natalia looked over at Olivia and then the two men, "it seems too good to be true."

"We're Christians," Rev. Prescott began. "Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. And the passages that appear in the Old Testament are not to be taken literally in my opinion. For example, slavery or women as property and a host of other social injustices appear in the Old Testament – all of which were perfectly acceptable once upon a time. We don't continue to believe these aspects of the Bible as being truths. Homosexuality is just another outdated aspect of social injustice."

"For me it's more personal," Bob replied. "The truths I pull from the Bible are the _big ones_...not those that are tied to the social mores of a particular historical period. The Bible was written by flawed human beings who have their own issues and their own time period issues that influence their writing. Besides…God is infallible. Man is not, and it was MAN who wrote the bible, not our Lord, despite what some people say."

"This is…intriguing," Natalia said hopefully.

"And for the record," Bob continued, "Steve and I didn't choose to be gay – that's the way God made us, and He makes no mistakes. He's the one who brought us together. So I don't believe that loving Steve is a sin. Because love, no matter what form, is always good because God is love."

Natalia smiled wide and nodded her head in agreement. "I have to admit…I love Olivia, but a part of me's been… holding back?" she said as if not sure if those were the right words she wanted to use. "I love her and I…desire her, but there's still this voice in the back of my head telling me I'm wrong."

"I know. I've been there – emphasis on the past tense," Bob said in complete agreement. "But I found Rev. Prescott's church, and all that changed for me. Without getting too personal…once we started coming here, let's just say Steve found out how much I could really rock his world."

Natalia giggled nervously, and Olivia laughed out loud adding, "So there might be something in it for me. Is that what you're saying, Bob?"

Bob wiggled his eyebrows and nodded his head quickly, which prompted Natalia to try to bury her blushing face into her lover's shoulder.

"Okay, I've heard enough. No fair making the lady or the reverend blush," Prescott told them. "Seriously, ladies, the choice is yours. Just know that if you do decide to take the classes, to learn about our Episcopalian beliefs, you're more than welcome to. And if you don't want to join now, you're welcome to come back in the future when you are. Just know you've got a place to turn to – you'll never be as alone as you might think you are. Okay?"

Olivia sighed. "I have to be honest. I don't know if I'll join."

"Okay, any particular reason?" Bob asked. "You'll miss out on our yearly bake sale next week, and Steve makes a killer pecan roll."

Olivia smiled. "That is tempting," she answered before looking serious. "Really, this isn't personal – you all seem great," she replied. "But I think in order to be one of the faithful you need, well, faith. I can't say I'm certain God exists, and honestly, I'm really doing this for Natalia because I know how important her faith is to _her_."

"Selfless acts do look good to the big guy upstairs," Bob said.

Olivia grinned once more before her expression grew solemn. "I'm not looking for 'brownie points,' though…It's just…Natalia's faith was one of the biggest stumbling blocks, for both of us really, and it's one of the reasons why I didn't tell her sooner how I felt…But even if I don't join," Olivia paused and looked to Natalia, "I think it's something that you really need, Honey." She paused again, but this time she had a mischievous look on her face. "And not just because of Bob's 'world rocking speech,' although that does sound very…invigorating."

Everyone at the table laughed.

"Well, I'm in," Natalia told them. "Let me know what materials I have to have, and I'll start on them this week."

"Wonderful," Rev. Prescott complimented. "And let me say to you, Olivia, that the door is open, but even if you never take part, you're doing a wonderful thing by supporting Natalia in her beliefs. You'd be amazed how rare that is in today's world."

"I'm no saint, Reverend – far from it," Olivia replied. "But...I'm trying."

Rev. Prescott smiled. "That's all any of us can do," he replied.

XXXX

Olivia, Natalia and Emma walked back to the car.

"Jake said I was pretty," Emma confessed.

"He did, huh?" Olivia asked. Emma nodded firmly. "Did you tell him you don't kiss on the first date?"

"Mommmmm," Emma said, embarrassed. "He only said I was pretty."

Olivia smiled and tossed Emma the keys, "Go open the doors, Heartbreaker," she told her.

Emma took off, and Natalia squeezed Olivia's hand harder as they walked along.

"So, good day?" Olivia asked.

"Wonderful day," Natalia replied, "and hopefully a fantastic night."

"Wanna test Bob's theory, huh?" Olivia asked.

"Uh huh," Natalia said as she reached over and licked Olivia's earlobe.

"Emma, it's time for bed," Olivia announced to the child who was already in the car and out of earshot.

Natalia laughed, "It's one in the afternoon, and we have to go the zoo. You promised."

Olivia released a ragged sigh. "It's gonna be a long day."

Natalia snuggled into Olivia's neck as they walked. "I'll make it worth your wait. I swear."

"I'm holding you to that," Olivia replied as she opened the door for her.

Instead of climbing inside, Natalia cupped her hand and gently caressed the apex of Olivia's legs. "I'm counting on it," she said before she darted inside, taking her seat, and shutting the door.

Olivia stood outside, rooted in her spot. Inside the car, Natalia waved her to come along.

"You're evil," Olivia told her playfully as she seemed to adjust her pants. "And, yes, I love it."

Natalia simply smiled.

The End


End file.
